No, nothing wrong happened to me. I am just peachy. In fact, I'm tremendous. I have a job and all the money I need, will finish sophomore year with enough money (as it looks now, at least), and have a likely summer job prepared. Everything is progressing like a charm. In short, I lead a blessed life. But apparently, I'm the only one of my friends who does, for almost everyone I know has had it rough. They've had to take years off school, don't have enough money, get doors slammed in their faces, and plain old struggle. Why does God choose to bless me beyond belief and let them struggle this way? I'm no better than anyone else, why was I chosen? Why can't he bless them as well?
I don't know how weird it is to almost feel guilty about my own success while everyone I know struggles, but there you are. Friends are trying to make enough money to pay for food and I struggle over selecting seminar readings I want to buy; Anslem? Augustine? Shakespeare?
It's frustrating, really, hearing about the troubles that plague them and being almost helpless to respond beyond prayer. I pray, of course, but I want to do more than that; I want to do something on the material plane.
I am dualistic at this point; I thank God for his blessings and pray they continue but I want my friends to have the same blessings. Is it childish to say that it's not fair? What plan does the Almighty have? I wish I knew.
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Longing for wisdom through liberal education and Holy Mother Church
- Philosoraptor
- A lover of the liberal arts, especially antiquity in its diverse forms, I am nonetheless wholly devoted to, utterly transformed by divine revelation. I seek to know the thought of the past, articulate my deepest longings aroused by the wise, and understand the uneasy relationship between reason and revelation; all for the sake of proper action and contemplation, both now and in the future.
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