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Nihil aliud praeter kalon

2.21.2007

Stress

Ever get the feeling that you're helpless and out of control? Everything is spinning out of my reach. I feel lifeless and pushed to the limits - like that 500 rod portage. Note: this is not good.

I'm slipping in regards to Latin and even my Divine Comedy. I don't know what to do.

I'm wandering around in the Dark Wood, unable to find my way out, and pursued by the Leopard, the Lion, and the she-Wolf. Helpless.

I used to enjoy pressure, but it's never been like this before. It keeps building and it won't relief. I have to fight or be squashed just like Luke, Han, and Leia in the garbage masher.

Sometimes it's not so bad and I feel like I can take on the world, but other days it feels like God Himself is testing me. I get the feeling I'm not exactly a straight-A student, so to speak. Ugh.

It's like I jumped off the cliff six months ago, and I'm only now beginning to wonder what's at the bottom, how fast I'm going, and what it will feel like when I touch down. Will it be a gentle drop and roll like a parachute landing? Or will it be a crash similar to that of the ill-fated Boeing 747? Or will I pull a Challenger and combust before touchdown?

I dunno. If everything falls flat on its face it will have served me right. Maybe then I will have learned my lesson.

I am so dead.

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